iChat, iCry

This week, on Monday, one girl who used to be nice became mean.  She called me “dumb”!  We were on iChat…she doesn’t go to my school.  I met her after a friend of mine at Cheerleading introduced us online.  She doesn’t know that I have autism…which shouldn’t matter.  She shouldn’t call anyone dumb.  I feel like the best way  or me to handle the situation is to ignore the mean people.  It bothers me because now I have one less friend on Facebook.  Everyone in my school has more Facebook Friends, but I have a limit.  I wish there was a way that I could stop the limit.  I don’t know when.  My friend told me to think about the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.  I think a friend is someone you talk to, who is loyal to you and does not say mean things about you.  I do have a lot of friends.   I am realizing that the number on Facebook is irrelevant.  But, it still upsets me that my number got lower.  I am trying to figure out why this bothers me.  I do feel jealous of my friends who have high numbers of friends on Facebook.  What I don’t understand is WHY I think it is a good thing to have a lot of friends on Facebook.   I did figure out that when I had a lot of friends, my Facebook page updated with THEIR information instead of random websites.  Because I have a limit, I am unique.  Being unique is good because you’re not copying everyone else.  I like being unique, but sometimes it just feels weird.  Sometimes I want to be like everyone else….I want to wear high heels, too!  Maybe my limit will be removed when I am sixteen.

Now She's Nice...?

Today I’m feeling better because I’m getting through situations with that mean girl I told you about from school.  One time, the mean girl’s best friend (who is also a mean girl), said “hi” to me.  I said, “I thought you didn’t like me”.  She didn’t respond back to me, so I just ignored her. I’m not supposed to talk to her because she was mean to me on Facebook.  I’m not supposed to talk to her, but it’s confusing to me.  When she’s nice and says “hi”, shouldn’t I be nice back? I am confused because I want to say “hi” if she’s going to be nice…but because she’s been mean to me in the past, I can’t trust her.  It’s very confusing.  It is just like a story you come up with called “Who Can you Trust”?  I only trust nice people.  In the beginning, everyone seems nice, so I feel like I can trust them.  But then, sometimes they change and are mean.  So, I decided that I should think about who to trust before I trust them.  I will let people’s behavior show me who I can trust.  If they support me and are nice to me, care about me, and act nicely and trustworthy, then I can trust them.  When it comes to my online bullying situation, I have two choices.  I can let it bother me forever, or I can move on.  It happened, and it was horrible.  But, I can’t let it bother me for the rest of my life.  It’s my choice to be happy, so I am not going to let it bother me again.

Sometimes I get confused with people being mean to me.  For example, my brother was making chicken.  There were only two pieces left.  He was really hungry.  I asked him if I could have some chicken.  He hesitated, and I asked him why he doesn’t like me.  He agreed to give me one piece of the chicken.  My friend, who was sitting with us, wanted to know why I thought he was being mean….he was just being hungry!  Sometimes, I feel like people are being mean, but maybe they’re not.  I think it’s hard to tell when someone is being mean.  Sometimes, when people disagree with me I feel that they are being mean.  My friend thought I was mean because I snatched her iPod.  I was just curious about the notifications she gets, like her messages.  It is her own personal business, and she got upset that I grabbed her iPod.  I guess I’m still learning how to behave in certain situations.  I do realize that everyone, people old and young, people with or without Autism have the same problem.  No one ever knows how to behave all the time in every situation. 

I was remembering back to third grade when we used to have pet rocks that looked shiny.  Now it’s all about feather extensions for your hair.  I have a purple one.  It’s neat how trends change.  I predict that rubber bracelets will be really big next year, and feather extensions will still be a trend.  One of my older friends told me that feather extensions were popular when she grew up in the 80’s.  They had clip on feather extensions.

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, has died yesterday of pancreatic cancer.  I have so many Apple products that Steve Jobs invented, like for example, the iPhone 4.  I’m typing right now on my MacBook Pro, and later, I will probably look at photos to remember Steve Jobs.  I did know about him before he died, about the things he invented and about his company.  His death makes me feel sorrow.  If I could speak to him, I would tell him that I admire him for his inventions. I liked his loud voice, watching him on Apple events, and his ideas.  He inspires me because I want to have a real signature that looks “less cursive”.  I listened to his commencement speech and he was talking about learning calligraphy, or word art.  I would also be interested in studying something like that. 

I’ve been vey busy lately.  I have been cheering and I’m excited about my first competition.  I might take private cheer lessons to work on my tumbling, cheering, stunting, and jumps.  I also got some not-so-great grades, which is the first time that has happened to me in 8^th grade.  I’m studying more and trying to understand what my teachers want from me.  Socially, I have figured out that I have “social dyslexia”.  That’s like when you have social problems and you see things the wrong way.  Now that I know this, I’m trying to fight this by trying to talk to other people and figure out situations.  In the end, I’d like to be able to talk to other people, and be able to have plenty of ideas to talk to people about.  Sometimes, I run out of things to talk about and then I feel like I’m left out.  My friend told me that it is a good idea to ask people questions about themselves.  That way, I get to learn about my friends, but I also get to continue the conversation.